Changing habits
At last week’s International Coaching Week workshop that Yvette and I gave on ‘Calming the voices in your head’, one of you shared that you were battling with healthy eating at home during lockdown. It wasn’t a battle of gargantuan proportions but nonetheless you wanted to change a habit and stop reaching for the Swiss Roll.
Today, I’ll share with you 4 pitfalls to avoid and a 3 stage process to long-lasting behaviour change. Read on.
Let’s face it we’ve all tried to start new habits. Keen and confident at the start, it doesn’t always end well. Some efforts became habits while others just didn’t make the grade. Like the gym routine in January. Or the pre-holiday health eating plan. And so it goes. But instead of using these failures (to be honest, it’s unfair to call them that) to beat ourselves up, consider what is necessary for it to become a sticky habit.
4 Common reasons habits don’t stick:
The task was too large.
It felt overwhelming. You weren’t motivated. It wasn’t clear what the first step was. Where would you even begin? Social scientist BJ Fogg has written extensively about how behaviour change is dependent on ‘Tiny Habits’ and amassing rewards.
It started with ‘I ought to’.
‘You ought to’ according to whom? Ask yourself honestly - is this something you want or are you doing it because everyone else does it? Or someone expects it of you. You and you alone must want it before you even start.
This new habit didn’t fit in your routine.
Routines are shortcuts that help us do things at an unconscious level, taking less energy. If you fit your new habit into an existing routine you’ll have a better chance. You won’t have to remember to do it. You’ve heard of people putting their medication beside their toothbrush so it ties in with the daily toothbrushing routine, right?
The behaviour you want to stop actually does you good.
If your aim is to end a bad habit - consider if that habit benefits you in some way. If smoking gave you a break during the working day, don’t forgo the break. Have the break. What else do you need when you’re on that break? That will make it easier to stop the bad habit.
3 stages to changing behaviour:
Value the change.
What is it? How important is it to you? Which of your values does it align with?
Imagine you’re doing this new behaviour - how does it or you appear? Feel you’re there. And feel the benefit of leaving behind that old pattern. Sit with this feeling.
Plan.
What are the triggers of the the old habit? Plan ahead a way to replace the old behaviour. If your favourite restaurant has the best desserts, plan to fill up on veg first. If you’re replacing the behaviour do something that makes you feel good. Reward yourself. Or do you need to create triggers? When I’m tired and resisting a gym visit, putting my gym gear on kicks starts the motivation. For me, the act of putting the yoga mat on the floor starts my desire to do yoga. What’s your step? Make it smaller than that. The tinier the step, the more likely you are to succeed. And the rewards of success are motivating.
Identify with the change.
See yourself as the person who IS doing that desired behaviour. Feel it. Do you need to say it out loud or to someone else? Do you need a mantra you repeat to yourself or an image you put on your wall?
But one last thing I would say. We are in lockdown and we’re all experiencing that in different ways. There is collective grief and pain. Is this the time to change behaviour? Or do you need to show yourself compassion and tuck into that Swiss Roll. You know best.
