What of yourself do you conceal to be more accepted?
Last week, I read the report that said that Female-led countries have done better with Corona Virus. The Guardian article’s here. It didn’t set me thinking about Corona (thankfully) but I did wonder about their leadership styles. Certainly, they show qualities more often labelled masculine, like courage, fortitude and authority. But we’ve also witnessed Jacinda as mother of 3-month-old Neve at the UN General Assembly. In truth, I have no idea who Angela, Jacinda and Mette are in their lives as partners, sisters, mothers or friends. I see only their powerful and impressive leadership. But, it makes me curious about who they are and how they are in their own lives.
Yesterday in the park, I saw a little girl in pink shorts and a sparkly t-shirt, riding her bike and climbing trees with boys. Feminine and strong. Determined and equal. Not limited by perceptions of femininity. At least not yet. I loved seeing her in her vital and whole self.
I wondered about grown women. How many of us are our true selves, with all our qualities? The ones society tells us are feminine and the ones society tells us are masculine. Those we women and men all have, but feel unable to show.
What part of yourself have you dimmed so that you are socially acceptable? Or acceptable to your family? Or your loved one? What part of you do colleagues not see?
I was raised to be strong, independent and self-reliant. My first career job was in a male-dominated environment. I felt I had to be strong, not particularly feminine in the traditional sense and always appear to have the answers. Never showing vulnerability or emotion and dressing in a stern, mannish way. It was stressful and exhausting.
It’s not about attributing blame but about becoming aware of who you are and being confident about being true to that self. No matter what you experience around you.
Recognising that your feminine self may do things differently. Your way.
Recently, I was chatting with a friend about her experience as a female leader in multinationals and how their culture and collective behaviours were often more typically reflective of male qualities. I know, this is a whole other blog post. I don’t buy into the idea of an innate gender brain, but for the sake of this post, I’m referring to the qualities typically associated with men and women. So, bear with me, knowing that women can be brave and men collaborative 😉 . Back to the story. We talked about negotiating. And how a feminine style may be different, softer perhaps, but no less effective. We talked about the importance of recognising feminine qualities as strengths not weaknesses. We’re talking about difference not better or worse.
It’s taken me a long time to celebrate my flamboyant fashion style and not believe it takes away from my being taken seriously. To be louder when those around me are quieter. To be ok with my eyes welling up when someone I hardly know, tells me their partner has depression. To unleash my impulse for naughtiness. I still have a way to go. My ‘work in progress’ list includes being vulnerable; writing posts like this is challenging. Unleashing bad language. I want more of it and love the power of those words. Being my Irish self in an English environment that feels altogether more polished. It’s a life-long endeavour.
As a coach, I am committed to helping you feel confident about being who you are. And bringing all of you to the fore. Often helping you shine a torch to uncover those parts of you that haven’t seen enough daylight.
Imagine how it is to accept all of yourself and to be all of you, regardless of what life throws at you.
What are you like when you’re your true self? What’s possible then?
I would love for you to live as your true and real self.
Get in touch for a free sample coaching session. There’s no obligation. See if it suits you.
Hello@shivaunmccullough.com
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